she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
