Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
