I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
