You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
