wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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