i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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