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kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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