Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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