How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
