I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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