You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
