He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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