our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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