Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
