So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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