Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
