Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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