Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
last night I used snow as a chaser
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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