Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
