phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
