Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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