Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
