So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
