Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
