Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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