eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
