I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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