he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
