I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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