Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize