He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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