Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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