Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
