I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
