Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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