This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
