Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
