I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all Iβm wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesdayβs nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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