The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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