The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
