Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
