Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
