That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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