this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He passed out mid-signature
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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