the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
