I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
