i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
