dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
