Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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