if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
