I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
